black and white rose in a technicolor world (theriotgirl) wrote,
black and white rose in a technicolor world

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i'm quite content knowing that i don't know you

I've got about seven minutes until I need to jet off from my seat here at Info Commons to my next class. Let's see if I can manage a decent entry in that time.

I went to this psychology club sponsored co-op panel today. The more I learn about co-op and the jobs offered to me, the more I get confused. Was Psychology the right route to go? It honestly scares me a bit to have to work with mentally disabled individuals. What if I can't push that aside to do the job that's expected of me? What if I don't have the qualifications or even the basic personality attributes that these companies are looking for? I know that some of these concerns are rather ridiculous, but I'm just doubting a lot of what I'm doing lately... ugh, and I did horrible on our first exam in Sensory and Perception, and I'm afraid that my Feeding Behaviors and Eating Disorders midterm mark isn't going to look that much better.

I wish I wasn't so focused on the incorrect perception that I am my GPA. I just don't want to let my parents down. Ugh. Pressure, pressure.

Show tonight with my Squishy. Goldfinger and the Start at Axis (?). Maybe I can let go a little bit tonight... burn off some of this anxiety.

Class, Crime, and the Legal System calls.
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theSTART at axis? how much? when? maybe i'll go with you :)
Aimee Echo is a goddess! One of the Halo Friendlies does her hair. ;)

I think it's $16.50 at the door, showtime's at 7:30. You should definitely come with.
I often feel the same way about school. Like can I live my whole life making no money and helping kids who don't want help in the first place? So I totally understand. We haven't hung out in awhile. We should. Ok?
I mean, the idea of majoring in Psychology made sense to begin with because it'd be a good background for going into Law, but now I'm starting to think I should've just been a criminal justice major instead. >.> And with the qualifications I have as far as classes go, I don't think I have the basic knowledge people want for CJ co-ops.

I know you understand.. it's good to know I'm not being completely nonsensical.

Definitely. Soarsha, Lauren, and I are doing Chinese food and a movie (probably Eternal Sunshine) tomorrow night. If you want in on that, that'd be cool. Some solo time would be prime, too. We'll talk. :*

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Dude, I know! I miss you. ♥ Honestly, I've been better. There's just a lot of mounting stress.

I'm on the dean's list as it is, but I can feel my grades starting to slip. As of right now, I have a 3.7 even, but with the grades I've been pulling this semester, I'm so scared that it's going to plummet. Mind you, it's only been the first round of tests thus far, but I'm still shaking in my non-ugg boots.

You know what's funny? My parents say the same thing. They always tell me (especially my mom) how proud I make them, and no matter what, they know I'll pull through in the end. The only problem I see with that is... well, what if this time, I don't?

oh wow i hate those moments when you're totally not sure of yourself. my daily crisis. i've been striking conversations with random strangers and this one dude changed his major 5 times... he's not in school anymore because he's still deciding.

well i hope you don't become him. uh, what i've gathered is that you shouldn't stop halfway to change your major, just do a double major or complete it altogether and then go back to do something else.

so yeah, i'm spending another 5 years in school ..........
This daily crisis is becoming a weekly crisis. I'm just hoping that maybe after this semester's over, I can go back to being my happy go lucky oblivious self. Or, well, at least start to worry about something besides classes and grades.

I will NOT become him, nor will I change my major. I mean, I find it fascinating, but considering that I want to be a lawyer, I'm just starting to think that maybe I should've gone the straight-through route to begin with.

............. so, yeah, I'm thinking that we should just move to Japan, kidnap Meela, and start a family. Fuck school. It's too confusing.
let's just be ridiculously rich rockstars.
Only if you teach me how to fake playing bass or something. I'm too cowardly to sing like Aimee Echo.
I am good at playing air instruments!

Just suck a lot of helium :[ she has a really unique voice.
Maybe if I pretend I'm having a seizue and throw my hands around alot, I can be the air drummer!

Unique, yes... but dude, it works. o.o
But I wanna be the air drummer, that's like the one thing I'm actually (pathetically) good at :[ You have an electric guitar, use it!

It really does. Plus she's supercool. I actually wish I could do screamo, but few girls can. Right now, I can only list Brody Dalle.
But just because I have one doesn't mean I can play it! ... maybe I could get away with pulling a Lindsay Lohan/Jamie Lee Curtis moment from Freaky Friday.

There's also a band that has a Brody Dalle soundalike. The Fight, maybe? Obviously, they're not as good, otherwise I would've told you about them already.
I've always thought that the people who know what they want to do with their lives from day one are a bit affected by self-fulfilling prophecy. The longer they've wanted to do it, the stronger they've convinced themselves. If they question themselves, they say "Because this is what I've always wanted to do." Maybe such a response is a bit arbitrary, I'm not sure, that's for you to decide...but as far as those who don't have that idea stuck in them, it takes time for them to decide. But it's not some crazy decision to be a veteranarian since the age of five...rather, it's a really, really intense self-realization. It was one of the greatest moments in my young life when I decided what majors I wanted to pursue (go philosophy and english...whoo), and I'm still somewhat high on it, because it's not only a decision that will lock me with that which I love for a long time, but it's a deep self-understanding that those who "know what they want to do" miss out on. The questioning and anxiety you feel I take optomistically. If you continue down your path and find out it's not meant to be, then it's not meant to be. If it takes a little bit of time and stress, it's worth it in the long run. Plus, you're Miaka, so I have faith that you'll find that which you love. So although stress and anxiety ensue today, have hope that it's worth something so grand and wonderful tomorrow.

As always, your words have their special way of soothing my soul. Thank you, Drew. Your way with words only proves how right of a path you're on.
school ends april 18th
summer school begins may 9th

feel free to drop by anytime between then ;) preferably beginning of may.