black and white rose in a technicolor world (theriotgirl) wrote,
black and white rose in a technicolor world

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we haven't fucked yet, but my head's still spinning

I think it's safe to say that today was a successful alone day. It wasn't so much that I did a lot of work. Actually, to be frank, I did none, but I did a lot of thinking.

Last night, I had a disturbing dream where I was home for Thanksgiving 'break' and the world was ending, a la Resident Evil style. In fact, I think there was actually a connection between Resident Evil and the virus the world was about to be exposed to. I mean, there were people talking to me about this T-Virus as if I was an expert or something.. meanwhile, anyone who knows anything about me knows that I just don't do science. Anyway, back to the horrifying part. It's not so much that it was scary because everyone I knew was about to die, but because my dog, Casey, who was still alive in this said dream, was being hunted down like a rabid animal by my mom, dad, and some of their brand new Cold Spring Harbor friends who I just didn't particularly like, but it was one of them, ironically enough, who had called me to prewarn me of their malicious intentions.

My solution? I hid my dog in the front seat of my since blown up '91 Mitsubishi Gallant (Sob. Such a great, faithful car). However, I'd forgotten to leave the windows open a crack... and though it didn't feel particularly warm in my dream, I was horribly preoccupied with the thought of him overheating and dying... meanwhile, I couldn't go back to the car and open the windows because by then my parents had hunted me down, and by leaving to go back to the car, they'd find my puppy and kill him.

One might wonder why I'd mention thinking a lot, then proceed to recounting this weird and highly irrational dream sequence. Well, probably because it's this dream that caused me to think. I'm one of those people who believes that most dreams, if not all, have some underlying, subconcious meaning. Finally, I think it's hit me.

I just really, really don't want to go back to Long Island this summer. I don't want to go back to a home that's in the middle of nowhere, where none of my friends come to visit. I don't want to go back to my parents who, love me as they might, smother me and threaten me until I get a job. I don't want to go back to a life I generally more hate than not in order to put one that I prefer on pause for half a year.

I just don't want to.
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