black and white rose in a technicolor world (theriotgirl) wrote,
black and white rose in a technicolor world
theriotgirl

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and now my mind is an open book, and my heart is an open wound

So, after promising more frequent updates, it's taken me about a month (Oops?) to take a seat here in front of my computer screen to type up my thoughts on the world. Well, maybe not the world... just the world according to me, which hasn't really changed all that much since I got back. SSDD. It's always SSDD.

For a short period of time, I thought I might have found something worth discovering in the form of a boy I barely knew. I probably would've posted about it sooner, but I had this gut feeling that it would blow up in my face before it ever truly blossomed into something bigger than a one night stand. Hah, and no, just so we're all clear, at no point did sex ever enter into that equation. Long story short, there was an evening of serious conversation, followed by an late night screening of Boondock Saints, and concluded by an early morning session of very basic fun and games. The following morning, I awoke feeling ill rested and sick to the core. Nevertheless, I left the sleeping boy in my bed and went to class like the anal honors student I am. By the time I got back from my busy day, he was gone, a note with his phone number left in his wake. Needless to say, I've called him, but he's never called back, save for once about a week afterwards when he had a brief conversation with my voicemail about leaving his phone in Dartmouth. Dartmouth. Riiiight. Then, of course, there was that mini drama where I found myself a stalker while waiting for the T. Numerous one-sided phone calls later, I think he's finally getting the point that I'm not interested, nor ever was. Hell, I left him one voicemail where I made up a scenario about having to go to a show with my 'boyfriend' (which is either Soarsha or that hugeass blow up bottle of SoCo... I haven't really made up my mind about that) the night I was supposed to go out with Gregg to see a movie. Sorry, kid, it just wasn't ment to be. Needless to say, at the moment I'm in a sordid, pessimistic state of mind where it concerns the male half of the species. Be forewarned that if you are indeed of the male gender, unless you're gay, chances are that I really don't want to converse with you. I've opened myself up and bled for the last time.

No, really. Honest.

On a more positive note, I went to that Kill Hannah show with Soarsha on Tuesday, and my god, did it kick ass. Not only did I get to see them take the stage in all of their glory, but before the show began, I managed to mention a 'Hey' to Jon, the guitarist, and how amazing I thought they were. During their final song, "Kennedy", Jon came off the stage as musicians sometimes do to play a few minutes in the crowd. :[ He purposely found me in the crowd, pressed his back to mine, and proceeded to play against me as if he'd known me for years. That butt to butt contact was enough to make my shitty last few weeks glitter just enough. Hopefully, the memory'll be enough to get me through the year.

My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin
So help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open, and I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up


p.s. Happy Birthday, Katy. I'm working on that birthday postcard.
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