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Thursday, June 29th, 2006

Subject:i want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Time:6:12 pm.
Mood: pessimistic.
I'm not sure if I can handle this.
4 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

Subject:with the venomous kiss you gave me i'm killlling lonelinessss
Time:2:34 pm.
Mood: dirty.
(Part of this entry is WAY dated. My apologies.)

It's almost over. In a few days' time, I'll be heading back home to New York, to the States, to my actual house. How did so much time slip through my fingers so quickly?

Dude, I'm going to have a HOUSE. How fucking awesome is that?

Almost two weeks ago now, I finished up my school work and then took off for a mini-vacation to Ireland with Colleen, which was awesome. I already miss my bus full of Aussies.

---

Present day.

So, as if you haven't noticed, I really, really suck at updating. Always have, always will. It's like, I know I have so much to say, but I just don't have the patience to sit here and type about it. I've been home for about a month now and I really, really miss everything having to do with my beautiful Londontown. For the most part, I've been wasting away my days. Granted, I haven't been sitting on my ass the entire time I've been home, but I'd be lying if I said it hadn't been most of them. A lot of those I care to call my nearest and dearest are far, far away right now, either across the ocean for their own study abroad shinanigans or they're finishing up their semester at home. I'm really bummed out because I'd made these plans in my head of going to see Bryan and maybe Katy, but that doesn't look like it's going to pan out. I didn't want to go by myself, and now that I can't really find anyone to go with me, it's too late to change my mind and go it solo because they'll be home in the next week or so. :'( Let's all have a moment of silence for my deceased social life.

ANYWAY. Last weekend, I went to Bamboozle 2006 with my friend Jasmine from California and two more of her friends, Renee and Emily (CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE IN THE WORLD LIKE EMILYYYYY!). I ran into a few people there that made me happy (Alix, Nikki, HI!), had one too many late night tickle fights with Jas, and struggled endlessly with New Jersey Transit. SHAKES FIST. One lesson I've learned: always, always, always ask the cabbie how much a trip is going to be BEFORE he drives you there. We were all ripped off, hardcore. Saw quite a few bands during my weekend adventure-- From First To Last, Motion City Soundtrack, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco (where I got punched in the face! :') Where's Boys Night Out when you need them?), He Is Legend, Taking Back Sunday, AFI, HIM, Hidden In Plain View, Nightmare of You, METHOD MAN (LMFAO), Monty, and also squeezed in some time to make fun of Hawthorne Heights during their cliche hit of the year "Ohio". Wait, isn't that what it's called? MY HEART IS IN OHIIIIOOO, SO CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES (CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES) SO I CAN FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT..... OR DIE!~

I can't wait for people to start trickling home. My ass is getting way tired of being sat upon. Who wants to hang out? ♥

Also, who has some ideas for a job for me where I can keep my beautiful blue-green hair? :'(
6 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, February 7th, 2006

Time:6:22 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
So, okay, seriously, even though this almost week long spell of fetal-position inducing, sleep-depricating sickness has absolutely rocked the cock out of my technicolor tube socks, I really say that it's time to move its sorry ass on out of my immune system. I mean, honestly, how's a girl supposed to get ANY sort of work done under these types of conditions? It's currently a miracle that I have the ability to type at the moment, let alone/in addition to (PLUS PLUS PLUS) the ability to use proper grammar! For a few days there, I was going without using capital letters or punctuation marks. It was a sick, sad, twisted period in my life, and if this virus/bacterial infection/strep throat like disease/case of tonsilitis knows what's good for it, it should know that I'm really not kidding around when I say that it's time to pack up and choose another victim because I'VE LITERALLY HAD IT UP TO HERE. I've only got another two months to take London by storm! As an outspoken 21-year-old girl, I really think that I'm both obliged and expected to say that I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT.

Ugh, paper due... probably at the end of this week or the beginning of next, and due to the big ugly currently inside of me, guess who hasn't had a chance to read up on the topic yet? AT ALL? Does anyone out there have an educated opinion from a psychological standpoint about the presence of innate knowledge in infants? >.> Anyone? Sigh, anyone besides the crickets?

sjgnakjgnagkjnagk AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S ONLY A WEEK UNTIL VALENTINE'S DAY?!

You know what? I think I feel a little better now.
5 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006

Subject:quizlet quizlet quizlet
Time:5:42 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
What the hell. It's been forever and a day since I last filled one of these babies out.

Four Jobs You Have Had In Your Life
1. Library clerk at Rich May Law
2. Retail bitch at Hot Topic
3. Box office chickadee at Loews Cineplex
4. Recreations assistant at Forest City Park

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. But I'm a Cheerleader
2. Mean Girls
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. The Crow

Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Roswell
3. The OC
4. America's Next Top Model

Four places you have lived
1. East Meadow, New York
2. Wantagh, New York
3. Boston, Massachusetts
4. London, England

Four Places You Have Been On Vacation
1. Vancouver, B.C.
2. Orlando, Florida
3. Ocean City, Maryland
4. Seattle, Washington

Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. MySpace
2. Livejournal
3. Gmail
4. Greatestjournal

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1. Chicken parm
2. Pepperoni pizza
3. Skippy smooth peanut butter
4. My mom's cheddar cheese, broccoli, chicken, and cream of mushroom soup dish thing

Four Places You Would Rather be Right Now
1. Cabrini College in Pennsylvania to kick a certain douchebag's sorry ass
2. Hobgoblin's pub meeting cute English lads
3. Narnia
4. In my own house, in my own bed (which will hopefully be possible in March!)

Four favourite books
1. Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty
2. The Silver Kiss by Annette Curtis Klause
3. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
4. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling


4 People to tag:
pixiedpunk
addya
sourissauter
deadangelica

so read your books but stay out late some nights
4 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Thursday, December 15th, 2005

Subject:i fell asleep on the train this morning for .5 seconds :[ mini-heart attack
Time:11:09 am.
Mood: chipper.
Change of plans, kids-- when I come home, I'll be staying in Queens, not Bellmore. On the upside, both my cell phone and the internet should be available.

Is it bad that I'm going home a week from today and haven't even begun to pack? I WISH I COULD BRING MYSELF TO THROW SHIT OUT. skjgnagjagjakngajkgnag

Anyone in the Boston area still need to go Christmas shopping? I still have a few people that I need to get done before I go home.

10 days till Christmas.
12 days till 21.
19 days till London.

Movie ListCollapse )
16 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, December 6th, 2005

Subject:how does it feel, how does it feel, cause it's tearing me apart
Time:7:59 pm.
I hate how I'm still so upset over this that I'm not eating as much or as well as I should. I hate that you probably don't even care because I'm being "stupid". I hate how you'll read over this and ignore it. I hate that I'm fading away into a world that you don't care about anymore. I hate that you won't even miss me while I'm gone.

Anyway.

London's in less than a month now, and my stomach's all tied in knots. Remember in the beginning when I couldn't wait to go? Now I'm so nervous that I can't stand it. All of this preparation, all of this paperwork... just let me GO already. I need to meet some hot English boys, let them sweep me off my feet, and have that three month long summer romance that I never got to have. Then again, who actually has a summer romance, anyway? No one I know. That sort of thing only happens in the movies. Am I just being jealous of something that doesn't happen?

I think I used to be funny. I'm not sure how it happened, but I really don't think I am anymore. Maybe I'm just trying too hard.

I'm coming home for Christmas on the 22nd. It doesn't look like I'll be staying with my cousin again like I did for Thanksgiving because as it turns out, my Aunt and Steve have to be out of their house before Christmas (They're selling it. Did I tell you? BOO!). As of right now, we'll probably end up staying with Joyce at her place in Bellmore. Even though I find Joyce a tad... insufferable, at least it's closer to all of my L-Town MacArthur crew. No more late night hour long drives home for me! No more spotty cell phone service! For that week that I'm home, it'll be gold.

Sigh. 21 days until I expire.

Wow. That was choppy.
10 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Friday, September 30th, 2005

Subject:today's headline: joss stone replaced tonight at avalon by... ashlee simpson?
Time:10:26 am.
Mood: cold.
Screw patience. I want to know whether or not I'm going to London now, not two weeks from now (Jen, Bryan... you two had better make those Spring Break plans to come and see me!)

So, I was working on Tueday. This work thing? In case you're slow on the uptake, I'm not in classes this semester. Thanks to Northeastern's lovely little co-op program, I effectively have the semester off so that I can complete a full-time six month working experience in an environment that's related to my aspirations for the future. This little equation has landed me an office job in the law offices of Rich May. AS library clerk, I have a plethora of assigned duties, which include but are not limited to taking care of invoices for my little land of books, buying lunches for the firm's top three head honchos, and taking care of the mail and depositing checks at a local bank. The latter of which is what's pertinent to Tuesday, a day which most of you might have forgotten that I mentioned about six sentences ago at the beginning of this little paragraph of joy. Anyway, it was Tuesday.

I'd just posted the mail and tossed it into the big, blue box marked "STAMPED MAIL ONLY" (And now I feel the need to mention that few, if any of the pieces I mailed were actually stamped. They were metered by the little post machine we have in the office. Oh, to be a rebel.) and I was now well on my way to the bank. As soon as I entered, I felt my teeth grit with apprehension. You see, one of my least favorite fellow customers was there, and he was laying in wait for me. You see, he was determined to uphold a conversation with me, regardless of the silent, "No-I-really-don't-want-to-talk-to-anyone-leave-me-and-my-hot-chocolate-craving-self-alone" vibe I was sending out to the rest of the world via the headphones in my ears and the mp3 player resting in the palm of my hand.

"Whatcha listening to today?" Came this young (and apparently 'hip'), bald, thirty-something's familiarly obnoxious voice. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ignore him, to stay in my little music-filled bubble of temporary happiness and continue on with my life... however, I guess I'm just too nice. "Last Week. They're a local band." Well, where I come from, anyway. Actually, I didn't even want to be listening to Last Week, so at first I regarded his question as a favor and reminder, my finger slipping to the 'fast-forward' button. Ah, Steriogram. Much better. But no, Mr. Steven wasn't just about to be done. No, no siree. Today, this man was on a mission.

As he continued to make what could be considered a one-sided conversation by my short, mostly one word answers, he supplied the the occasional intelligent/respectable nugget, one of which being that he remembered who I'd been listening to the first time we'd spoken a few weeks prior, the Distillers. (Well, okay, so that toally didn't count because he called them the 'Defribulators'.) God, what a moron. He asked me if I frequented the internet often, which made me arch an eyebrow and deny that I had the time for such idleness. Well, that's sort of half true. Is it funny that he thought the reason why I don't go online often was because I met someone unsavory from 'teh interwebs'? Please. I don't meet people from online to cumshuck. That's the kinda shit that gets you in trouble. An-y-way.

Avoiding eye contact, I still tried to keep a pleasantly aloof aura about me. I mean, I definitely wasn't interested, but I didn't want him to walk away thinking I was a complete and utter bitch afterwards. Sigh. Even as we were depositiong our company's earnings into their accounts, he continued to chat with me, but as I made a dash for the door, he asked me if I could wait. When a suitable lie about my need to escape to the outside world failed me, I shrugged my shoulders and he followed me outside, walking to the corner with me, only to corner ME there by asking for my cell phone number. Now, being that I was too smart to actually give him my digits and too cowardly nice to tell him I just wasn't interested in any sort of relationship with him, period, I felt the digits leaving my lips before I could stop them. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. But wait! There was still time! I could save myself an array of phonecalls and unwanted/unreturned voicemails by changing the last digit!

"...5874." I boldly finished, momentarily feeling proud of myself for the moment of pure genius... but like I said, it was only a moment, a nanosecond at most, because that's when I realized that crap.

I'd just given him my mom's cell number. djkangjagnkjag THIS IS WHY NUMBERS ON FAMILY PLANS IN NUMERICAL SUCCESSION ARE A BAD IDEA. DAMN YOU, T-MOBILE. MY GUTLESSNESS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

Of course, I called my mom the morning after to let her know all about it. "If some strange guy named Steven calls asking for me, it's not my favorite cousin. Please don't give him my number." :[ Funnily enough, my mother understood. "You know, when I used to go out with your Aunt Laura and Mary when we were young, I was that girl. I was the bitch in Designing Women. I'd tell them to go away, that I wasn't interested... but I don't remember how I did it." Afterwards, my mother started to scheme with me on how she could handle this situation if he actually called. "I could say that I know you, but that you have a boyfriend. 'Yeah, I know Jessica, but she has a boyfriend, so I don't know why she'd give you her nu--' Oh, wait, then it'll sound like you want to break up with him. Nevermind. I'll call you if I get creative."

Gee wiz, I love my mom. And pay day.
12 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005

Subject:do you think that this could work out? do you think you could come around? ... i don't
Time:12:11 am.
So, I finally decided to start my study abroad application today. It's been sitting on my desk, my floor, and then there was also a week-long stint on the living room table... well, all in all, it's probably been lingering about and nagging at me to pick up a pen and fill it out in that silently annoying way that necessary assigments tend to by default for approximately a month in total. God, I'm such a douche for procrastinating for so long. I mean, though the application's not due until late September, the program's still first come first serve, and hot DAMN do I want to go to London. It seems pretty straight forward enough, but there are all of these questions that I, being a girl between houses and phone numbers, have no way of answering without screwing up future mailings and important milestones that I just can't miss. I guess I'm just going to have to call my mom and ask her what the mature, adult thing to do would be. Oh, and did I mention that I royally fucked up one of the instructions, too? You see, being the grammar nazi that I am (thanks, mom), I didn't really read over all of the directions before filling it out, and while I thought it'd be perfectly okay to use lowercases and capitals, NO. THEY WANT THE APPLICATION WRITTEN OUT LIKE THIS, IN BOLD, BLOCK, CAPITAL LETTERS.

FUCK.

So now, I think I need to find a time where I can somehow make it to the Study Abroad office that's only open during hours that I'm working. Double fuck.

Well, actually, now that I think about it, it might not be such a travesty after all. I mean, I could always just ask Ethan to do me the favor of picking up a new application for me while he's working as a tutor on-campus. "No big deal," he'd probably tell me... but when it boils down to it, I'm just super pissed off that I fell for the old elementary school trap by not reading all of the directions. Schmack!

Sigh. In brighter news, I can finally watch the new Ginger Sling video for Faith (!!!!). Did I mention how I really need a new obsession? She was such an overdramatic overactor in this three and a half minute or so musical extravaganza that after my first viewing, I practically peed my pants. Well, at least she looks pretty, right?

Warped Tour is totally less than two weeks away. AND I MAXED OUT MY CREDIT CARD HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

p.s. Goes back to reading Harry Potter: The Order of the Phoenix >.> Yep, only about two years behind, move along, people, there's nothing at all to see here besides a DUMB GIRL WHO CAN'T FILL OUT A GODDAMNED STUDY ABROAD APPLICATION. >:O

Sigh, p.p.s.

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to [not actually] wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you might want to [nudge, nudge] post this on your LJ.
27 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, June 14th, 2005

Subject:fuck you, 7-11
Time:2:13 pm.
Mood: giggly.
So, my friends and I had a little girls' night out a few days ago... we really had no idea what we wanted to do, so after pissing around my friend Jen's house for about fourty five minutes trying to come up with a decent plan of action, we all decided to hop into my car and drive around for a bit, seeing where that would take us. Within ten seconds of my starting the engine to my vehicle, we were ready to head over to this local cafe-ish dig called The Cup. Once we got there, though, we were distracted by the bright lights of a local street fair. Come on, the Zipper? How could we say no to an opportunity like that?

After Debbie and I screamed our lungs out on that caged ferris wheel of doom (clearly screaming for the sake of screaming, of course ♥), the other three girls, Debbie, and I were all in agreement that we were hungry. Where to? Psht, not the Cup. We had no patience for that. Hello, 7-11!

Now, usually when we step into one of those lovely establishments (which, if you're unfamiliar with the geography of Long Island, are located about every other block... probably only out numbered by diners), a sales clerk or two are assigned to stalk us through the aisles, and are either obnoxiously pretending to fix the same row of bubblegum packages or just standing there, with their arms crossed, watching us like the little hooligans we 20-somethings must be.

Now, granted, the five of us can get quite loud, but at that time, we were speaking at decent level, keeping the decibles reasonable as we all split up to grab what we needed, only to reconviene within about ten minutes' time at the back of the store to pick out our drinks. Cough. Okay, if you know me at all, you know I have an absolutely HORRIBLE time making choices, especially when I'm faced with so many possibilities. Gatorade, Coca-cola (with lime, cherry, or sans caffiene), Red Bull (regular or sugar free)... seriously, I needed a minute! However, by the time I'd finally settled on a bottle of Snapple Peach Iced tea, I guess we'd taken too long (or, rather, I had).

My dear friend Jackie came up behind me, and poking me in the side to get my attention, I turned to her with a perplexed expression. "You see that guy, the sales clerk right over there?" She'd asked me, motioning discreetly to one of the sales clerks who was then making his way slowly back to the register. "He just said that we all have to, 'Buy something or leave.'"

Buy something or leave? Buy something or leave? I was astounded by the audacity. In generally a good mood beforehand, that good mood transformed itself into temporary confidence as I repeated that same phrase aloud.. and of course, a little louder than maybe I would've if having a normal conversation with Jackie. "Buy something or leave? I don't know about you, but I'd rather leave!"

And after shoving our choices (GOD so much effort on my part for nothing!) back into the places we'd gotten them from, we did just that, a smug expression on our faces as that same store clerk and his coworkers glared at us. Ah, victory.

p.s. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP LEAVING ME IMPORTANT MESSAGES ON MY INSTANT MESSENGER AND JUST PICK UP THE DAMN TELEPHONE! >:o Kisses.
17 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Monday, June 6th, 2005

Subject:i wish i wasn't so against updating
Time:10:02 pm.
I was tagged by pinkelectric, so...

list your current six favorite songs, then pick six other people that have to do the same.

1. The Halo Friendlies - Just Like You
2. Deathcab for Cutie - Photobooth
3. Morningwood - New York Girls
4. the Killers - Mr. Brightside
5. Feable Weiner - HanDJabs
6. Head Automatica - Beating Heart Baby

And I tag...
1. twperfect
2. micksangel
3. la_leenie
4. pixiedpunk
5. kittnpunkie
6. amberoriginal

On a more personal note, I'm home again... though for how long, I'm still not sure. It really bums me out that I have to stay in Boston all summer. >:o All of you losers who promised to come and see me had better follow through or else you'll be facing a lot of.. angered.. fist.. shaking.

So. Who'd be up for another rousing bought of laser tag at Q-Zar before I head back to Boston? I know Jen's interested, and Thom is, too, but I haven't really had the chance to talk to anyone else about it today as the idea just dawned on me yesterday... come on, make my day. After this, I won't be back in town until August for Warped Tour.

Mental note to self: use the telephone.
9 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005

Subject:i'm quite content knowing that i don't know you
Time:1:22 pm.
Mood: discontent.
I've got about seven minutes until I need to jet off from my seat here at Info Commons to my next class. Let's see if I can manage a decent entry in that time.

I went to this psychology club sponsored co-op panel today. The more I learn about co-op and the jobs offered to me, the more I get confused. Was Psychology the right route to go? It honestly scares me a bit to have to work with mentally disabled individuals. What if I can't push that aside to do the job that's expected of me? What if I don't have the qualifications or even the basic personality attributes that these companies are looking for? I know that some of these concerns are rather ridiculous, but I'm just doubting a lot of what I'm doing lately... ugh, and I did horrible on our first exam in Sensory and Perception, and I'm afraid that my Feeding Behaviors and Eating Disorders midterm mark isn't going to look that much better.

I wish I wasn't so focused on the incorrect perception that I am my GPA. I just don't want to let my parents down. Ugh. Pressure, pressure.

Show tonight with my Squishy. Goldfinger and the Start at Axis (?). Maybe I can let go a little bit tonight... burn off some of this anxiety.

Class, Crime, and the Legal System calls.
16 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Sunday, February 6th, 2005

Time:1:31 pm.
Mood: restless.
This is about the fifty-billionth time I've bit my lip (and no, I didn't close my eyes).

This weekend was kinda busy for me, for a change. I don't know. Lately I've really been okay with sitting around and not really doing much, and I have no idea why. It's not even that I'm in a funk. If anything, I just feel.. neutral. Anyway, on Friday night, there was the illustrious 'L' party hosted by Eric at Soarsha's place. The night before, Addya, Kym, Soarsha and I had all hung out together in West C and we got to play dress up. Since we all know that I generally don't wear dressed or anything pretty, cleavage-bearing, or girly, it was a real change of pace. It made me think, "Gee. Maybe I want to go out and expand my wardrobe at some point." So, I borrowed a lace dress from Kym, put my hair up in pigtails, slathered on the eyeliner, and went to the party dressed as the ever endearing and seducing Lolita. Not that my guise worked in getting me any action that night. Pfft. I did manage to meet with some really cool people and I indulged in some of Soarsha's Lager. Why not? I mean, honestly, with a schedule like mine, when's the next time I'm going to? Pre-tipsyness, I even jokingly asked some stranger to walk me home later because he was standing there and it fit into the conversation I was having with the lovely Brad perfectly (who, sadly, was not dressed to fit the 'L' theme). Surprisingly, Lauren got in on the action. What did we ultimately decide you were? Still Lauren, just with Lindsay Lohan's boobs? PRICELESS.

Last night was a bit of a change of pace. Lauren's dad came by sometime between five and six, and with him in tow, Lauren and I made a quick run over to Giovanni's to get some much needed groceries (though I forgot to get any type of breakfast food >.>), ran back to our room to put said groceries away, and then went out for a night of Burger King and a movie. We wound up seeing THE BOOGEYMAN, and though it did a rather good job of building up to a spectacular ending... well, let's just say that the spectacular ending never happened. The editing was confusing and the story was a little weak. Then again, I could just be bitter because the star was Eric Camden from 7th Heaven and his girlfriend had my name.. and we all know that I'm always biased against persons with my name. Anyway, all throughout the movie, there was this row of twelve year old boys (and by row, there seriously had to be at least 10 of them) who WOULD NOT SHUT UP. During the slower parts of the film, they kept chattering away or making a lot of annoying noises with one of their chairs that apparently needed to be oiled, and during the 'scary' parts, they'd all let loose a blood-curdling scream, and then laugh hysterically for another few minutes after the fact just for kicks. A part of me desperately wanted to turn around and verbally scold them with, "God! What are you, twelve?!" Of course, they probably were, and as such, I restored to the occasional loud sigh, growl, or annoyed whisper to Lauren. Needless to say, by the end of the movie, I was more than just a wee bit perturbed. As we got ready to leave, Miss Fisher's fifth grade class had chosen to assemble in the landing between the two levels of seats in the theatre. This was my chance. I needed to do it for closure. As we walked through them (or, rather, barged through them), I raised my fist and socked the nearest one in the arm. "OW!" He exclaimed, but I just kept walking. Ah, vindication and liberation.

You know, one of the reasons why I think they made February so short is because (a) it's near impossible to spell and (b) to make up for the piss ass mood that Valentine's Day puts everyone in. With that said, V-day, please feel free to eat my foot.
17 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Wednesday, January 12th, 2005

Subject:"Maybe we could start a club, or a league, or something."
Time:8:53 pm.
Mood:in pain.
Oh, Smallville. Even in my moments of pain, you never cease to crack me up with your silly comic book references, like the one you made tonight about the Justice League of America that we all know is coming up. You know what, though? I almost remember the Flash as being so much hotter and not quite so young.

So, I'm still not sure if I'm heading home tomorrow, even if the plan was to leave tomorrow night and be picked up by Daddy dearest at the Port Authority. I was really only planning on making a cameo on the island shores this weekend because Hot Topic was supposed to be having it's (belated) Secret Santa swap this Sunday. However, for the last five or six times I've tried to call them within the last two weeks, I've gotten the same response: "Oh, gee. I really have no idea when that's going to happen. I'll try leaving Nick a message about it, and he'll get back to you about it tomorrow." Let's just say that I have a feeling no one's been talking to Nick, because I haven't been called back once yet, and every time I try to call them, they're all still clueless. Was that repetative? My apologies if it was. There's a painful ringing in my head that's making it hard to keep my thoughts cohesive.

So, I picked up my phone today (actually, it was about fifteen to twenty minutes ago) to make another one of my infamous calls to store #177. As I went to lay back in my very small dormitory bed, I was laying a bit too far forward and descending way too fast. The result? I completely missed my pillows and smacked the back of my head on the edge of the wooden headboard.

To those of you who offered up a sympathy wince in response to this sordid tale, I thank you.

Can I just add another "Ow" in here? Ow. ._.

On another note, dinner and a movie with Soarsha, Addya, Kym, Dave, and Eric at (where else?) Eric's last night was fabulous. Betty Crocker, we salute you.

p.s. The fire alarm went off in my room today because someone had to cook a hamburger in a pan. Thanks Geenerrrrr! :*
13 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Friday, January 7th, 2005

Subject:I promised Kym I'd do this.
Time:1:44 am.
Mood: sleepy.
It's late and I'm pretty tired, but I promised the wonderful Kym that I'd update my journal at some point tonight just for her. Hey there, girlie. :*

Can I say something of substance after I get out of bed tomorrow? Because I seriously have no motivation to type out what my Winter Break was like.

Winter break. Psht. It was more like a very brief pause.
4 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, December 7th, 2004

Subject:Uncle Jesse and I both share a similar affliction.
Time:7:55 pm.
Mood: mellow.
Is it just me, or does it seem impossible to get into the Christmas spirit this year? All of these holiday themed episodes of Full House aren't helping, either. How the hell could you consider one of those bigass vibrating toothbrushes that plays "Deck the Halls" as an ultimate gift for anyone, let alone your father?

Finals start in a few days, and I haven't even begun studying. I just lack the attention span, which shouldn't come as a surprise to most of you. All these years, it really wouldn't surprise me if I had been going on with an undiagnosed case of ADD (or ADHD.. is there really a difference between the two?). Well, this could also be just because my first final on Friday should be a joke (Hi Rock History. I so kicked your midterm's ass) and after that, I don't have a final until Wednesday, but those two are going to viciously slaughter me.

Why is the narrator to Mitch Albom's "The Five People You'll Meet in Heaven" a woman? That just doesn't seem right. I remember reading "Tuesdays With Morrie" in tenth grade and really enjoying it. Maybe I'll keep watching the movie. Thank you, ABC Family for providing yet another source of distraction to keep me from my studies.

Speaking of my studies once again, I've been doing some thinking about my future. If all works out the way I'm planning it, I'm probably going to go on Co-op here in Boston for the summer into the fall, then study abroad in London at Goldsmith's College. Nothing's down on paper yet, of course, but I think I've taken care of everything as far as taking that Co-op class is concerned by sending a few e-mails, but I refuse to prattle on about that further because I know the majority of you won't care. :x

Sigh. The more I think about it, the more excited I am for London. I heard they have really beautiful boys there. Oh, and the educational opportunities too, of course.
10 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, November 30th, 2004

Subject:Sucker love is Heaven sent..
Time:1:10 am.
Mood:stalkerish.
Ignorance is bliss.

So, I made it to Long Island and back in one piece for Thanksgiving Break. Thankfully, zombies did at no time enter into the equation as my prophetic dream threatened. However, it did take me about eight hours each way of the trip, but I still made it nonetheless. Before I went, I had so many plans of things that I needed to do, but in that I completely neglected to remember all of the responsibilities I needed to fulfill, too. Wednesday was obviously travel day, Thursday family Thanksgiving Day (+ favorite cousin bondage, as per usual), Friday was working 1-9 day (though I did pass some rather sandalous things to Catty and sneak in a late night dinner at Friendly's with Mick), and finally Saturday came friend day. Well, an unexpected, fun-filled friend day that I would've totally missed out on if I'd headed home to do my homework and laundry after shopping with Katy like I'd planned. Fuck responsibility. I like procrastination that much better.

We made our way over to Thom's house to say hello.. because quite frankly, I missed the so-called savior and his crazy antics and I was quite antsy for a hug. Katy didn't tell him I was there-- rather, she baited him with the taunt, "I have a present in human form for you!"

Unfortunately, once he realized the present was nothing more than a teal-haired me, he simply asked if he could return me to the store I came from. Bastard.

Anyway, after getting over that insult, Katy and I wasted some time with Thom before we were joined by the likes of James and Chris B. It took a few minutes of hopeless movie browsing before we got the fateful call from Brady to head on over to his place. The honors crew were already there and ready to start some poker induced shinanigans. No, no money ever entered the picture-- instead, we opted for the easy candy route. Hel-lo, M&Ms! After a long, strenuous game, my partner Bryan and I managed to come in third while Thom and his silent partner, Brady, came in first.

The prize? As many icky, manhandled M&Ms as you could eat.. and while no one else would dare brave such a feat, Thom dug right into his 'lush' winnings. Ew, Thom. That was almost as gross as the time you smashed that hugeass spider against the wall at my graduation party and chased Katy around with your spider gut tainted hand.


Before I left for Thanksgiving, I made Dave a birthday cake with the aid of the lovely Soarsha. Fuck yeah, it kicked ass. I even have pictures. Maybe I'll post them later so future generations can giggle.


I honestly love how I can write an entire entry that has nothing to do with what's really on my mind.

edit >> Pictures of Dave's birthday shinanigans.Collapse )
21 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004

Subject:we haven't fucked yet, but my head's still spinning
Time:4:58 pm.
Mood:decisive.
I think it's safe to say that today was a successful alone day. It wasn't so much that I did a lot of work. Actually, to be frank, I did none, but I did a lot of thinking.

Last night, I had a disturbing dream where I was home for Thanksgiving 'break' and the world was ending, a la Resident Evil style. In fact, I think there was actually a connection between Resident Evil and the virus the world was about to be exposed to. I mean, there were people talking to me about this T-Virus as if I was an expert or something.. meanwhile, anyone who knows anything about me knows that I just don't do science. Anyway, back to the horrifying part. It's not so much that it was scary because everyone I knew was about to die, but because my dog, Casey, who was still alive in this said dream, was being hunted down like a rabid animal by my mom, dad, and some of their brand new Cold Spring Harbor friends who I just didn't particularly like, but it was one of them, ironically enough, who had called me to prewarn me of their malicious intentions.

My solution? I hid my dog in the front seat of my since blown up '91 Mitsubishi Gallant (Sob. Such a great, faithful car). However, I'd forgotten to leave the windows open a crack... and though it didn't feel particularly warm in my dream, I was horribly preoccupied with the thought of him overheating and dying... meanwhile, I couldn't go back to the car and open the windows because by then my parents had hunted me down, and by leaving to go back to the car, they'd find my puppy and kill him.

One might wonder why I'd mention thinking a lot, then proceed to recounting this weird and highly irrational dream sequence. Well, probably because it's this dream that caused me to think. I'm one of those people who believes that most dreams, if not all, have some underlying, subconcious meaning. Finally, I think it's hit me.

I just really, really don't want to go back to Long Island this summer. I don't want to go back to a home that's in the middle of nowhere, where none of my friends come to visit. I don't want to go back to my parents who, love me as they might, smother me and threaten me until I get a job. I don't want to go back to a life I generally more hate than not in order to put one that I prefer on pause for half a year.

I just don't want to.
8 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Friday, October 22nd, 2004

Subject:it seems like only yesterday when we were merely freshmen
Time:12:49 am.
Mood: angry.
I officially hate AdAware. While it was scanning my drive, I was in the middle of writing one of my nonsensical updates about how Boy Meets World made my day today with it's cameo of an MTV show I used to love, Singled Out, and a mini rant about how much I hate today's music scene because the boys all look like models from a photoshoot rather than musicians begging to be taken seriously, and my mother making a random phone call to me tonight because she was worried about my well-being after the rioting chaos she heard about on the news.

No, I'm not going to try to type it back up word for word again, simply because I lack the patience.

For the first time since I got back to school, I got ahold of Thom. It took me a few hours to find his number in the various unsorted piles consisting of my meager belongings I brought to school with me, but the hour and a half I spent on the phone with him was completely worth all of my search efforts.

So, Lauren tells me today that she's going on this religious retreat with the Christian cult she likes to hang out with. Why, Lauren, why?! If you wanted to find Jesus, all you had to do was ask me and I would've found Thom's number so much sooner. It's a shame that we're losing another one. They just drop like flies...

Did I mention that I may have found a boy? Hah, and you kids know what that means-- disregard my last entry's driving statement: If you're a straight male, feel free to start exchaning words with me again. I won't bite your head off. Cross my heart and hope to die. Or is it cross my t's and dot my i's?
5 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Friday, October 1st, 2004

Subject:and now my mind is an open book, and my heart is an open wound
Time:12:37 am.
Mood: accomplished.
So, after promising more frequent updates, it's taken me about a month (Oops?) to take a seat here in front of my computer screen to type up my thoughts on the world. Well, maybe not the world... just the world according to me, which hasn't really changed all that much since I got back. SSDD. It's always SSDD.

For a short period of time, I thought I might have found something worth discovering in the form of a boy I barely knew. I probably would've posted about it sooner, but I had this gut feeling that it would blow up in my face before it ever truly blossomed into something bigger than a one night stand. Hah, and no, just so we're all clear, at no point did sex ever enter into that equation. Long story short, there was an evening of serious conversation, followed by an late night screening of Boondock Saints, and concluded by an early morning session of very basic fun and games. The following morning, I awoke feeling ill rested and sick to the core. Nevertheless, I left the sleeping boy in my bed and went to class like the anal honors student I am. By the time I got back from my busy day, he was gone, a note with his phone number left in his wake. Needless to say, I've called him, but he's never called back, save for once about a week afterwards when he had a brief conversation with my voicemail about leaving his phone in Dartmouth. Dartmouth. Riiiight. Then, of course, there was that mini drama where I found myself a stalker while waiting for the T. Numerous one-sided phone calls later, I think he's finally getting the point that I'm not interested, nor ever was. Hell, I left him one voicemail where I made up a scenario about having to go to a show with my 'boyfriend' (which is either Soarsha or that hugeass blow up bottle of SoCo... I haven't really made up my mind about that) the night I was supposed to go out with Gregg to see a movie. Sorry, kid, it just wasn't ment to be. Needless to say, at the moment I'm in a sordid, pessimistic state of mind where it concerns the male half of the species. Be forewarned that if you are indeed of the male gender, unless you're gay, chances are that I really don't want to converse with you. I've opened myself up and bled for the last time.

No, really. Honest.

On a more positive note, I went to that Kill Hannah show with Soarsha on Tuesday, and my god, did it kick ass. Not only did I get to see them take the stage in all of their glory, but before the show began, I managed to mention a 'Hey' to Jon, the guitarist, and how amazing I thought they were. During their final song, "Kennedy", Jon came off the stage as musicians sometimes do to play a few minutes in the crowd. :[ He purposely found me in the crowd, pressed his back to mine, and proceeded to play against me as if he'd known me for years. That butt to butt contact was enough to make my shitty last few weeks glitter just enough. Hopefully, the memory'll be enough to get me through the year.

My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin
So help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open, and I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up


p.s. Happy Birthday, Katy. I'm working on that birthday postcard.
6 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

Tuesday, August 31st, 2004

Subject:Yes, but NOT with you.
Time:12:49 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Living up here in Cold Spring Harbor has granted me more alone time than I would've ever dreampt necessary these last few months. No one calls, no one writes, and there are few that even talk to me via IM. I guess it's not that I mind; thinking is a good thing, and going to work at least five days a week between my two jobs has left me feeling solitary without necessarily having to be completely antisocial, as well. And hey, don't get me wrong: there were the occasional stellar moments involving my friends this summer. There was Warped Tour with Donna (or just all of those nights out with Donna <3) where I met one of my idols, Miss Ginger Reyes from the Halo Friendlies, and that night at the Last Week show pretending to be a merch girl with Bev at the radio table (even though the guys STILL can't remember my name), that night of picture scavenger hunting with the honors crew, plus Cathy and her mysterious figure of a boyfriend Jay. Speaking of which, I still need the pictures from that night. Anyone got 'em? In addition to that, on Friday of this last past week, I went shopping with the lovely Natalia Bolanos, also of the band the Halo Friendlies, with her little sister, Alexandria, and my partner in crime, Donna, as our chaperones. It really rocks when you realize your heros are just as cool as you painted them out to be inside your head.

Anyway. Back to work-like subjects. I quit the movie theatre the weekend before last, working two twelve hour shifts in a row. Corey thought he was doing me a favor by scheduling me for as many hours as possible, and I should really be thanking him for that when I get my last paycheck on Thursday, but that 24 hours alone left my feet begging for mercy. For the time being, I work the occasional 4-6 hour shift at Hot Topic, basically getting paid just for socializing with customers and following them around like a bloodhound. No, really, it's more fun than it sounds. They called me in at the last minute yesterday to work 5-close, and they actually did again today to see if I wanted to work a 4-midnight shift at Roosevelt Field. The regional manager is coming to see them... I think tomorrow, which is why they can use all of the extra help they can get. Unfortunately, I don't think I can go. Like the douchebag that I am, I left all of my packing until the last minute. Besides, my father wants to take me to BJ's today for some snack food type goodness, among other things, to bring up to NU with me on my Davenport adventure with two strangers I've never met. Oh, and Lauren. Hi Lauren!

I go back to school on the 4th, and when people ask me how I feel about it, my answer's honest and simple, "I'm mixed." Obviously, the reasons to go back consist of seeing the people that I promised to see over the summer and just never got the chance to. On the other hand, there are certainly those people that I don't want to see, one of which I'm sure all of you can name if given a multiple guess test on the subject.

Well, wait. Scratch that. Seeing him again might have it's perks. Like, finally being able to say one, loud, resounding "FUCK YOU!" to his face, or being able to demand the explanation for his sudden disappearence that I know would never be good enough. I want to be that girl he thinks back on and says, "Wow. She really did love me."

I should really take a shower... got a lot on my plate today. Let's hope to a year filled of lots of NU drama. I know you all miss my updates like woah.
8 lines in your book >> yet i'm nothing more

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